because sam loses his mind without dean
goes utterly completely and brutally crazy
and it’s awful to watch but really I wouldn’t expect any less
and then people have the gall to say that sam doesn’t love dean
sam can’t even keep sane without dean
sam really does become a monster if dean is taken away
how’s that for grief
sam would never be able to settle down with a woman and kid and have barbecues once dean is dead
he’d just destroy himself
which is exactly why he shoved dean in lisa’s arms
because with a child to take care of dean might actually not go off the deep end like sam did
while when dean died sam was left alone with a demon
and the mirage of revenge
surrounded by angels who wanted him to lose his mind
wanted him to become the bad guy so that they could blame everything on him and keep their pretty wings clean
I just have a lot of sam feels